


the only hoax i believe in

by aeilmy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Excessive use of nicknames, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Insecure Tsukishima Kei, Insecurity, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Minor Yachi Hitoka/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Misunderstandings, Panic Attacks, bc i'm weak and i can't handle sad endings, i'm not really sure if it's a full-blown panic attack but just in case, like tooth-rotting fluff at the very end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:41:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25608316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aeilmy/pseuds/aeilmy
Summary: Recently, Tetsurou had been coming home smelling like flowers and vanilla and everything that Kei wasn't.
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 4
Kudos: 169





	the only hoax i believe in

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by hoax by taylor swift

He knew it would end like this. One day or another, Tetsurou would grow tired of his insecurities, grow tired of his attitude, grow tired of him. And that was just the problem, wasn’t it? Kei was always so wrapped up in his own head that he ended up overthinking, overanalyzing, destroying any meaningful relationship he had in his life. _But that was where the problem was, wasn’t it?_

Their fights so far had been small. Little disagreements about this and that, annoyances that popped up every now and then. However, Tetsurou was always able to get Kei to sit down to talk about it. Usually it was because one of them had had a bad day and needed to vent, and they would end the day with arms wrapped tightly around each other. Over time, Kei noticed that Tetsurou was always the first one to apologize, the first one to retreat. _But that was where the problem was, wasn’t it?_

...

When they first met again, Kei was a first-year in college. If he happened to apply to the same college as Tetsurou in hopes of seeing his old highschool crush, the latter didn’t need to know that. If Kei’s mind blanked upon seeing Tetsurou stumble into their shared English class a minute late, he didn’t need to know that. If Kei’s world shifted on its axis after hearing the oh-so familiar yet so unfamiliar “Hey, Glasses-kun,” he didn’t need to know that. If Kei’s heart skipped a beat when Tetsurou ran his hand through his hair and asked, “Can we exchange numbers?”, he didn’t need to know that. As for Kei himself, he didn’t know when Kuroo-san became Kuroo, and then Kuroo became Tetsurou. Before he knew it, two years had passed by with Tetsurou as his boyfriend. Two years full of shared smiles, quiet nights, study dates, and everything high school Kei could only dream of happening.

...

Recently, Tetsurou would come back home smelling like perfume. He smelled like vanilla and flowers and everything that Kei wasn’t. He would lie awake those nights, only daring to turn and look at Tetsurou once he heard the other’s steady breathing. He’d fight with himself, unable to decide whether or not he should just ask. _But that was where the problem was, wasn’t it?_

Kei considered himself a logical person. He thought and made decisions with his head, not his heart. Whenever he got too emotional, things would just spiral downward. Listening to his heart would tell him that he wasn’t good enough, that his boyfriend deserved better, that this bliss, this happiness, was temporary. That their relationship was bound for disaster, and he would be the cause of that break. _But that was where the problem was, wasn’t it?_

Whenever Kei started spiraling, Tetsurou was always able to pull him back to reality. The soft caresses, whispered words of “hey, I’m here, talk to me,” the quiet reassurances would normally calm him down. But this was different. This was something Tetsurou couldn’t fix, something Kei knew was a problem with himself. And it was slowly breaking him down, piece by piece.

Tetsurou was called out for a work emergency one night. When he came back, yelling “I’m home,” Kei called “Welcome back,” as usual. He helped the other take off his coat and hung it, as usual. And he smelled the perfume, which was becoming increasingly usual. _Please, please, please. Give me a reason. Tell me it’s not true. Tell me this love isn’t just a hoax._

“Tsukkiiiiii,” Tetsurou drawled, draping himself over Kei and leaning on him. He merely hummed in response, distracted by the perfume once again. “I’m tired.”

With that, Tetsurou immediately stood up straight and started massaging his shoulders, leaving both of them standing in the entryway. Kei shrugged his hands off. “Kuroo, you’re tired too. Let’s just sleep.” As he walked to the bedroom, he could feel Tetsurou’s eyes following him. His eyebrows were probably drawn together, a pout on his lips. He’d always make that face when Kei seemed “off,” as he put it, and it was endearing. After a beat or two, Kei heard Tetsurou sigh, and follow him to their bedroom.

They got ready to sleep in silence. While this wasn’t unusual, the atmosphere was tense. A little awkward. A little uncomfortable. Kei didn’t like it one bit, yet didn’t make any attempts to fix the situation. It was his fault they were like this anyhow.

Once they were on the bed, Kei faced away from Tetsurou, an irregularity that was slowly becoming more and more regular. He felt Tetsurou shift behind him, draping an arm over his waist and entangling their fingers together. It took all his effort not to shrug it off. A kiss was placed on his nape, sweet and innocent. It made him want to cry. A whispered, “Is everything alright, Tsukkisaur?” followed.

Kei let out an amused exhale at the nickname, a small smile forming on his face. Sure, he would entertain Tetsurou for tonight. He didn’t want to fight tonight. “Mm,” he hummed. The knife buried in his heart twisted, ugly and deep. He was a coward.

“Okay then,” Tetsurou kissed him again, this time on the back of his head. “You know, if something’s bothering you, just talk to me. Relationships are a two-way deal, right? We just have to meet in the middle.”

“Mm,” Kei affirmed again. However, this one was a little shakier than the first. If Tetsurou noticed, he didn’t comment, just tightening his fingers around Kei’s instead. “Goodnight then.”

After what felt like years, Tetsurou’s breath evened out and Kei slipped out of his grasp. He sneaked into the bathroom, slumping against the door after it clicked closed. Taking a shuddering breath, he covered his mouth with his hand to stifle any sounds he might have made. And then he felt it. The wetness against his palm, the warmth of his tears. _Stupid, stupid, stupid. Pathetic. Idiot. Not good enough. He shouldn’t be with me, he should be with someone else, he should be with that girl from work or that girl from the coffeeshop or even Koz-_

“Kei?”

His head snapped up in surprise, hearing Tetsurou’s voice outside the door. He seemed to hesitate for a moment before continuing, “Did something happen? Are you okay?”

Silence. Kei took a shaky breath. The knife twisted again. He cleared his throat. “I’m fine, Kuroo. Go back to sleep. I’ll be there in a-” his voice cracked, “-in a second.”

He could hear Tetsurou shifting through the door. He was probably running his hand through his hair again, a nervous habit he was never able to break. “Can you open the door please?”

“I, uh… yeah. Just… give me a second. I’m having stomach problems and I’m on the toilet right now,” Kei lied. He knew Tetsurou wouldn’t buy it for a second. He heard a sigh, and then a resigned “...Alright.” He heard Tetsurou’s retreating footsteps soon after, the muffled sound growing faint and then stopping after the creak of their bed.

Kei took a deep breath and stood straight, taking a moment to gather himself. _Alright then, up we go._ He turned on the sink, washing his face to refresh himself. Looking up at the mirror, he hated the faint figure he could see in the mirror. Albeit a little blurry, the image staring back at him was hunched down, broken. Tired. He straightened up. Debated flushing the toilet just to sell his story, but figured Tetsurou had already seen through his lie and left it.

When he entered the bedroom again, Tetsurou was sitting criss cross on the bed, warm light from the bedside lamp shining on him. Under the low lighting, Kei could make out the shadows under his eyes, feeling a sharp pang in his chest. Was he not getting enough sleep? Why? For how long? Was it his fault?

“Kei. Moonshine. Hotaru. Come here,” Tetsurou beckoned, opening his arms for a hug. Despite himself, Kei followed his instructions and sat in his lap, feeling Tetsurou’s arms wrap around him. He felt himself relaxing, his racing mind calming down for the first time since the older man had come home.

“Hey. I love you,” Tetsurou mumbled, pressing a kiss onto Kei’s forehead. “I don’t know what’s wrong, but if you don’t tell me we can’t fix it together. I’m here for you, love. You know that.”

Kei felt his eyes water up. His thoughts began racing again, the words I don’t deserve him and Who am I to doubt him and I can’t I can’t I can’t at the forefront of it all. Before he could go any further than that, he felt Tetsurou’s hand wrap around his, thumb gently caressing his palm. The older man was silent, save for the occasional “Hey, I’m here, breathe. In, then out.”

After a few minutes, Kei gathered himself enough to let out in one breath, “If you’re interested in someone else please tell me now and I can leave you alone because I know I don’t deserve you and-”

“Wait, hold on. Where-”

“-it’s so painful and it hurts everyday knowing that I’m holding you back and that you could do better and I’m mean and I’m moody and I’m not cute or small or soft or-” “Kei.” Tetsurou interrupted, his voice firm. Kei stopped. He stared at the floor, and it was all he could do to not burst into tears. This was embarrassing. One night and he was about to cry three separate times. _Idiot._

“Kei, come on. Look at me. Please.” Tetsurou pleaded. Hearing the desperation in his voice, Kei slowly lifted his head. His heart stopped upon making eye contact with Tetsurou. It felt like he was being gutted. The look in Tetsurou’s eyes was something that he’d never seen before. Seeing pain in those eyes that usually held mirth and knowing that he was the cause of it - Kei’s heart twisted in pain, his self-loathing multiplying.

“Do you believe in me? Do you believe in us?” Kei blinked. Once, twice. Knew that was one too many times, because Tetsurou’s face crumpled above him and his arms slackened around Kei. _Wait, no, please, I didn’t mean it that way I-_

The older man let out a resigned sigh. Ran his hand through his hair again and let out a chuckle. It was the emptiest sound Kei had ever heard from him. “Kuroo-san, I-”

“I guess I was the only one that thought we were okay, huh?” He sighed again. “I thought - maybe, just maybe, you would have faith in me. In this. In us. But this whole time it was just me.” Another empty chuckle. “Ahhh, that’s right. That’s right.”

Kei couldn’t understand what was right. What was Tetsurou talking about? What conclusions was he coming to? “Kuroo-san, you’re misunderstanding, it’s-”

“That’s right, huh. It’s not like you ever loved me to begin with. Back to Kuroo-san now, I see.”

Kei wanted to scream. _No! That’s not true, you’re one of the best things that’s happened to me, that’s not it at all._

His mouth couldn’t form the words. He couldn’t move. He sat still as Tetsurou began slowly disentangling himself from Kei, making his way off the bed. He was halfway across the room when Kei asked, in a voice that was barely audible, “Where are you going…?”

Tetsurou ran his hand through his hair. “Ah, I think I’m just going to call Bokuto and ask him if I can stay over for tonight. Don’t worry, you can stay here. I’ll just come back in the morning after you’ve left for your classes. You have an 8 AM tomorrow, right? Try to get some sleep.”

“I- No, you don’t have to do that Tetsurou, just stay, I’ll call Yamaguchi and ask him and Yachi if I can-”

“Tsukishima.” His blood ran cold. Tetsurou’s eyes softened just slightly, and Kei could see the exhaustion in his figure. “Please, stay. I know you haven’t been sleeping enough. You think you’re slick, but I can tell those bags under your eyes get worse every night.”

_What about you, you idiot, all you’ve been doing is overtime and all I do is add on to your problems and it’s driving me insane-_

“Let’s talk in the morning. When we’re both calm again. I just need some time to process, alright?” Tetsurou made his way back across the room, hand pausing in the air as if he was going to ruffle Kei’s hair. He didn’t.

“Well, goodnight then, Tsukishima.” Kei’s eyes followed him out the bedroom door and kept looking, kept staring until he heard the click of the front door closing. And even then, he stared. Hoped Tetsurou would come back, waltz in and laugh, declaring that it was all a joke, that he was being pranked and “the look on your face was priceless, Tsukki” and hug him better again. He did not.

Slowly, Kei reached for his phone and dialed the first number he had on speed dial. After two rings, Tadashi answered. “Tsukki?” he asked quietly, voice laced with sleep. Kei would have felt bad for waking him up if he wasn’t on the verge of a breakdown. “Why’d you-” a yawn, “Why’d you call? Did something happen?”

“He’s gone. I messed up. ‘Dashi, I messed it up, I did it again, I put too much effort into us but it still wasn’t enough and I still didn’t trust him enough and-” he choked, a sob making its way out of his throat “-and now he’s gone and I don’t know what to do.”

…

After bawling his eyes out and receiving some well-intended advice from both Tadashi and Hitoka, Kei fell asleep minutes after ending the call. He was exhausted mentally, and that often translated to physical exhaustion as well. He didn’t wake up until he heard the front door open, followed by a low “Kei?”

A sigh. He couldn’t tell if it was one of relief or disappointment, but he made no effort to get off the bed. Tetsurou would see him when he came into the room. A few seconds passed, and he heard the telltale plod of his footsteps come closer and closer into the room. Closing his eyes again, Kei relaxed onto the bed, forced himself to even out his breathing. He didn’t feel like talking just yet, the mental toll from the night before still tiring him out. Tetsurou’s soft footsteps came closer and closer until he stepped right in front of Kei. He heard shuffling, and then felt soft breath over his face. The back of a finger stroked his cheek, then his eyes, swollen from last night’s crying. Another sigh.

“Hey,” Tetsurou whispered. Kei dared not to move, afraid he would never hear what Tetsurou wanted to say otherwise. “You and me, we’re in this together. I would never tell you this while you’re awake but-” a soft exhale, “-for me, you’re forever. So don’t give up on us that easily, yeah?” He felt lips brushing against his cheek, and wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around Tetsurou and kiss him senseless. It took all of his self-control to stay lying on the bed.

With that, he felt Tetsurou stand up again and start rustling around the room, getting ready for work as quietly as he could. Even while they were fighting, he was ever considerate of Kei.

Kei waited until he heard the front door click again before sitting up and stretching. He picked up his phone to send a message to Tetsurou as he couldn’t see him off this morning.

To: Tetsurou

>> Work hard today.

From: Tetsurou

>> I will. See you tonight.

…

The day felt like it would never end. After skipping his 8 AM, Kei finally decided to get out of bed around noon, and he only had one lecture to attend after that. He got ready without thinking, his movements practiced and methodical. Before leaving, he made sure to write a little note for Tetsurou to leave on the coffee table in case he got home earlier than Kei did. It was a hastily scribbled heart, but Kei deemed it good enough and left.

…

Kei unlocked the door, letting out an exhale as he made it into the entryway. The day had been exhausting, and he still had to make up for the work he missed from his lecture his morning. He made to take off his shoes, and heard “Welcome back” halfway through taking off his first shoe. He saw the familiar head of black hair from the couch, and exhaled, “Kuroo-san.”

Said man turned around and smirked, and Kei felt everything in his world fall back into place. He never thought he’d miss that mischievous smile so badly.

“Hey, Moonshine. You up for that talk now?” Kei nodded, hastily taking off his other shoe and making his way to the couch. He hesitated, unsure if Tetsurou was alright with Kei sitting next to him after their fight. The other motioned to the seat beside him, and Kei sunk into their couch. A pause. Neither of them seemed willing to start the conversation, and Kei sure as hell wasn’t going to after last night’s fiasco. Tetsurou took the plunge, “So what was that all about yesterday?”

Kei glanced at him through his glasses. The other seemed relaxed enough, giving Kei the time he needed to formulate an answer and waiting patiently. He took a breath.

“Before you say anything, I know I’m being irrational,” Kei started. Tetsurou seemed like he was about to interrupt, but thought better of it after seeing Kei about to continue, “but every day you’ve been coming home smelling like… well, like women’s perfume, and I couldn’t help but wonder if it was because you’ve found someone else.” Tetsurou’s eyes widened slightly at this, but he said nothing. Kei continued, “I know you would never cheat on me. I know that, but I couldn’t stop myself from worrying. I kept telling myself that all of this is just a hoax. I’m not anyone a sane person would be interested in. I’m too tall, and I glare a lot, and I’m mean.”

Kei shot Tetsurou a look, knowing he would try to refute that last sentence. Sure enough, the other had his mouth open but backed down, encouraging Kei to continue again. “I don’t think I’m good enough for you. I know you don’t think so, but it’s hard to tell myself the same thing. I don’t deserve you, Tetsu. But I’m trying. I know it must be irritating to deal with, but I want to make this work. I’m…” Kei took a breath, “I’m sorry. For blowing up like that. Instead of talking to you. I was just scared. I’m still scared.”

Tetsurou took Kei’s hands in his, bringing his knuckles up to his mouth and kissing them lightly. He heard a quiet “I love you, Kei.”

“I love you too, you sap. I’ve been waiting for this to crumble, for everything to fall apart and leave me broken, but it hasn’t happened yet. And I realize that I don’t want that to happen. I want you, always. You’re my forever, Tetsu,” Kei whispered the last words, feeling his face heat up. A look at Tetsurou would confirm he was feeling the same way.

“Kei,” Tetsurou started, “It’s not a hoax. And I just got assigned to a new project, and one of my teammates likes to wear very strong perfume.” He kissed Kei’s knuckles again, and looked him directly in the eyes. “But you’re the only one for me. I promise you that.”

Kei looked away, embarrassed. “I know that, idiot.” He got even redder, taking his free hand to cover his face, and mumbled “it’s the same for me.”

Sparing a glance at Tetsurou, he couldn’t help but smile. The other had a small smile on his face, his eyes full of love and adoration. It was a look he knew Tetsurou reserved for Kei and Kei only, and the thought made his chest warm. Unable to suppress his urges like he did this morning, he pulled Tetsurou into a hug. It felt like coming home.

**Author's Note:**

> this wasn't beta-read so i'm sorry for any mistakes !! this is my first fic in a while so pls be gentle w me :,) i recently got into haikyuu and was drawn to kurotsuki (kurotsukki?) so i just had to write something for them


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